Leadership Love: Learning to Lead With Care, Starting With Ourselves

Love is in the air, with Valentine’s Day around the corner, and I’ve been thinking specifically about leadership love. Many leaders I work with find the word ‘love’ inappropriate for their working lives, and prefer to call it compassion or care, but as it is the season, I’m calling it love!

When I look at the leaders who create the most trust, stability, and long-term impact, leadership love is exactly what I see. Not in grand gestures, or any romance, but in how they relate to themselves and how that relationship shapes the way they lead others.

Leadership love is not about lowering standards or avoiding challenge. It is about leading in a way that is humane, sustainable, and rooted in self-awareness.

But, Leadership Love Starts With How You Treat Yourself

Sometimes we can be incredibly hard on ourselves.

We feel the need to carry the incredible burden that is leadership and management, and we forget that the burden is something we can put down and let go of.

We are often unforgiving of the mistakes we make, self-critical, and extremely judgmental of ourselves. Most leaders are far harder on themselves than they would ever be on anyone in their team. We expect ourselves to know the answer, to cope quickly, to bounce back without fuss, and to keep moving even when something has knocked us sideways.

I don’t think any leader would speak to their team members and colleagues the same way that we can to ourselves. Yet, we don’t see ourselves as needing the same encouragement, kindness and compassion as we show to others.

It’s okay to accept that things rarely go as planned, that leadership is complex and relational. If we get things wrong or feel like we aren’t coping, it doesn’t disqualify us from being a good leader.

Leadership love towards ourselves is not self-indulgent; it is indeed a necessity.

Simple Ways to Show Yourself Some Leadership Love

I’m not trying to add more to your to-do list. Instead, I’m asking you just to be aware.

You might pause and ask yourself what you are actually expecting of yourself right now, especially in pressured situations. Often, the weight we feel comes from unspoken expectations we have never questioned.

You might notice the tone of your inner voice after a difficult conversation or decision. Leadership love sounds more like curiosity than criticism, and more like reflection than blame.

You might give yourself permission to rest or slow down, without needing to justify it as productivity. Energy management is part of leadership, not a distraction from it.

And sometimes leadership love is simply recognising that you are still learning, and allowing that to be true without turning it into a personal failing.

When leaders practise this kind of self-compassion, something shifts. They become steadier, more present, and more able to respond rather than react.

How You Lead Others With Love

Care and compassion (in other words, love) in leadership are often misunderstood. They are sometimes mistaken for being endlessly accommodating or for avoiding difficult conversations altogether. In reality, leading with compassion asks for clarity, boundaries, and a willingness to be honest when it matters. Read more about leading with empathy in this blog.

You see it in the way a leader listens, not just to respond, but to understand. You notice it in how they pay attention to people, especially when someone is struggling or finding things hard. It shows up in how they stay alongside others through challenge as well as success.

This kind of leadership takes time. It involves pausing to consider what might be sitting underneath behaviour, rather than jumping straight to judgment or control. It also means being consistent, so people are not left guessing which version of you they will meet from one day to the next.

Leading with care, compassion and love does not mean everything is acceptable or that standards disappear. It means responses are measured rather than reactive, and rooted in an understanding that people are navigating their own pressures, experiences, and limits.

When leaders show up like this, trust begins to grow. People feel safer to speak up, to take responsibility, and to stay engaged, even when the work itself is demanding.

Why This Matters

Leadership has a powerful influence on how people experience themselves at work. It shapes confidence, belonging, and whether people feel able to bring their full selves into the space.

When care and compassion are present, teams tend to feel steadier and more supported, even in times of uncertainty. When they are missing, even capable and committed people can begin to withdraw or burn out. People feel the pressure that stressed leaders bring day in day out, and this can then impact on their day to day lives, at work and at home.

Leading with care is not an optional extra or something reserved for certain personality types. It is a skill that develops over time, through awareness, practice, and intention.

And it often starts with a quietly challenging question:

How do I expect others to feel supported if I am not willing to offer myself the same care?

Take some time to answer that question, and then identify 3 things you could do to be kinder and more forgiving of yourself and more celebratory of how you show up each day.

You might even wish to write yourself a leadership love poem, just for you:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Leadership isn’t about control,
It’s about how you show up as you.

It’s in the pause before reacting,
In choosing presence over speed.
In holding the line with care and intent,
And saying what needs to be said indeed.

Leadership love lives in the ordinary,
In moments that rarely make a scene.
In noticing who’s gone quiet,
And tending to what sits unseen.

And it begins with how you treat yourself,
When things don’t go to plan or feel new.
With compassion that strengthens your leadership,
And steadies the way you lead others too. ❤️

(Written by AI, please don’t judge me!!)