Why Great Leaders Flex Their Leadership Styles
When I first stepped into a formal leadership role, I quickly learned that leadership styles aren’t one-size-fits-all.
When I look back at the moment I realised my leadership style had to change, it still makes me cringe a little.
I’d just been promoted into my first formal leadership role at a new school. In my first week, I found myself standing awkwardly at the photocopier with a colleague I barely knew. To fill the silence, I asked her thoughts on some recent changes in national assessments.
Her response floored me. She thought I was trying to catch her out – that I was being judgemental. I fumbled an apology, but she walked off, leaving me standing there mortified.
That evening, I barely slept. I’m an empathetic person by nature, and this wasn’t how I wanted to start any working relationship. The next morning, I found her and explained that I hadn’t meant to come across as critical. I’d simply been trying to make conversation.
It was a small moment, but it left a lasting impression. I realised that leadership isn’t about proving yourself – it’s about connecting first.
The lesson: start with the people
That day taught me something that would shape every role I’ve held since: you can’t lead effectively if you don’t first take the time to understand your people.
It’s easy to slip into focusing on performance, processes, or outcomes – especially when you’re new or want to show you’re capable.
But leadership begins with trust.
And trust begins with connection.
Over time, I’ve learned that connection isn’t one-size-fits-all. What motivates one person might discourage another. What builds confidence in one situation could feel intrusive in the next.
This is where the power of varying your style comes in.
The six leadership styles – and when to use them
Psychologist Daniel Goleman, known for his work on emotional intelligence, identified six core leadership styles that effective leaders draw upon depending on context:
The Visionary – Inspires people with a clear sense of direction and purpose. Ideal during change or when setting a new course.
The Coaching – Focuses on developing people for the long term. Works well when trust is high and there’s time for growth.
The Affiliative – Prioritises harmony, empathy and connection. Effective after conflict or when morale is low.
The Democratic – Builds consensus through participation. Useful when gathering ideas or seeking buy-in.
The Pacesetting – Sets high standards and leads by example. Best used sparingly, as it can cause burnout if overused.
The Commanding – Directs decisively in a crisis. Appropriate for short-term control but damaging if it becomes the default.
Goleman’s research found that the most effective leaders don’t stick to one style – they flex between them as the situation demands.
Daniel Goleman quote
Why flexibility matters
Leadership is relational, not mechanical. The same approach that motivates one team member might alienate another.
In my photocopier moment, I defaulted to a coaching style that – without trust or context – landed as judgement. What would have worked better was an affiliative approach: slowing down, showing curiosity about her as a person, and building connection before conversation about work.
Later in my career, I found that my natural affiliative tendencies sometimes needed balancing with a visionary or coaching approach to maintain momentum. Too much harmony, and you risk losing direction. Too much direction, and you risk losing people.
This is the art of leadership: knowing when to lead from the front, when to walk alongside, and when to step back.
How to flex your leadership style
If you’re wondering how to apply this, here are a few simple ways to start:
Know your default. Reflect on how you naturally lead under pressure. Do you tend to take charge, or do you seek consensus?
Read the room. Notice your team’s energy, needs, and emotions. What’s missing? Clarity, confidence, connection, or direction?
Experiment consciously. Try using a different style in a low-stakes situation. If you’re usually directive, try a coaching conversation instead.
Ask for feedback. Encourage your team to tell you what they find supportive – and what feels overwhelming.
Build your emotional intelligence. Self-awareness, empathy, and adaptability are what make style-shifting authentic rather than performative. You can read more about building emotional intelligence and empathy in a previous blog: Leading with Empathy Without Losing Authority
Leading with authenticity and range
True leadership isn’t about picking one style and perfecting it – it’s about developing the self-awareness and courage to flex between styles as people and situations change.
When leaders start with the people, they naturally build the trust that allows them to move fluidly between visionary direction, coaching curiosity, and affiliative care.
And in that space of connection, leadership becomes something far more human – not about authority, but about influence, collaboration, and growth.
If you need helping in finding your way, then please do contact me for a free, no-obligation call, and I can see how I can help.
